


I Can't Handle Change

by Bin_oftrash



Series: Mistreatment [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2 endings, Blood and Injury, Break Up, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Insecurity, Late at Night, M/M, Oikawa Tooru Needs a Hug, Self-Harm, Suicide, Sunsets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28548207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bin_oftrash/pseuds/Bin_oftrash
Summary: Oikawa snaps
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Mistreatment [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085711
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> 2 endings☆
> 
> *This is not how I actually see the haikyuu characters! These are the fanon characters I've seen and are not how they act in the show!*
> 
> Sorry fir the misspelled names( -᷅_-᷄)
> 
> it hurts seeing my favourite characters being turned into nothing but something this fandom can abuse.
> 
> I want that to stop.
> 
> If you have any recommendations  
> please comment them.

"Again...?" I said in a quiet tone.

"I'm sorry" He said back.

"You're SORRY?" My tone went up like a rollercoaster as I asked him.

"Don't fucking raise your voice at me" He bitterly spat back.

I banged my hands on my desk in my dark moonlit room.  
"THIS IS THE 3RD FUCKING TIME" I yelled into the phone.

He let out a frustrated scoff.  
"I SAID I WAS SORRY OK?"

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it" I said as I hung up.

I could feel the tears beginning to roll down my face as the reality of the situation hit me like a train.

My boyfriend doesn't actually love me, does he?

How did this happen?

______________  
volleyball gc😎🏐

Makki😎  
Flattykawa get online🤢

MattSUN💪🌚  
what'd you need him for?😬

Mad-dog🕴🐶  
What did flat ass do now?

Simp🤢🕴  
Flat ass-✋😭😭

Noya😍  
🏃😭😭

Flatty🥞  
That joke is so fucking overused  
Get a better fucking joke

Makki😎  
Damn why so hostile?😷

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
Don't be mean Stupidkawa

Flattykawa🥞  
I'm just saying it's fucking overused and repetitive🙄

Mad-dog🕴🐶  
Would you prefer being called long back?😐

YA!haba😻  
C'mon guys be respectful :-(

Watari🌊  
Yeah! Respect Oikawa!!

Milk😨  
NOT THE LONG BACK😭😭😭😭

Simp🕴🤢  
PELAHDHDH😭😭😭

Noya😍  
I NEED AIR PLEASE✋😭😭😭

Flattykawa  
Y'know what?

"Flattykawa🥞" changed his name to "Oikawa"

MattSUN💪🌚  
lol what long back?🥞

Oikawa is typing...

______________

You'd think they learned their lesson after what happened with Atsumu but clearly they didn't.

______________

Oikawa  
Long back? Flattykawa?  
HOW FUCKING REPETITIVE  
Fucking everyone looks flat, but I'm the only one getting targeted??? What kind of bullshit are you on?  
Even if I was the only flat one why would that reason to body shame and bully me?  
I work so fucking hard every single fucking day.  
I can't say or do anything because it's all blocked out by "Flattykawa" or some other bullshit "joke" you came up with.  
You never ask how I FEEL about it.

You act like I'm dead weight pulling you down and holding you back.  
Why do only TWO of my teammates actually respect me??  
Did I just not work hard for you guys????

Iwaizumi why did you just go along with it???  
Aren't you my boyfriend AND childhood best fucking friend?????  
You've known me my whole life.  
When the seasons changed you used to be right next to me, but now you're far off leaving me sad and cold.  
Iwaizumi you were supposed to be through every season.  
Now we're both definitely spending the seasons alone because we're fucking over.

That's just my team though.  
All of you other teams should know better than to be disrespectful to other teams.  
It's should be fucking common sense to not fucking harass people who did you no wrong.  
Imagine if your coach saw what you sent me on the fucking DAILY.  
They would be ashamed and disappointed in you.  
Volleyball is supposed to be my outlet, but it's just caused me more stress and problems.  
I can't handle all these changes to stuff I once loved.

What do you get out of poking at my insecurities?  
Does it make you feel better?  
Is it how you get your sick and disgusting entertainment????  
How does me being different effect you?  
It's always  
"All bodies are beautiful #bodypositivity" until it's someone skinny or doesn't fit your idea of "who should be insecure about themselves"  
What if I made fun of your nose,ears,or even your fucking height every day?  
What if I made you think being short was a disease,a horrible thing to be?  
You'd probably become insecure about something YOU CAN'T CONTROL.  
I can't control the fact that I'm flat.  
Why don't you try building me up instead of rubbing one of my biggest insecurities in my face?

Are you really my friends?  
You constantly mistreat me.  
Why should I stay somewhere that clearly doesn't want me or treat me right?  
What if I just left?  
Would you be happy?

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
You're not going to do what I think you're going to do right?

Makki😎  
Oikawa wait please

MattSUN💪🌚  
what do you mean?

Oikawa  
I'm disappointed,disgusted,and ashamed of all of you.  
Don't try running back to me because I won't answer.  
I'm done with this whole team.  
I wish Watari and Yahaba the best of luck in life.  
I'm sorry I probably won't be able to see it.  
Yahaba and Watari please don't blame yourselves because you helped me through their bullshit, and I'm forever grateful and thankful.  
For the rest of you as much as I don't want to say this I hope you're happy and successful.  
I won't be on this team any fucking longer because I fucking quit.  
Good fucking bye.

Makki😎  
Oikawa please wait

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
Oikawa please wait  
please

"Oikawa" left the chat

______________

I sat my phone down and looked at the ceiling above me.

I wiped the small tear off my face and looked out the window in front of my small brown desk.  
"That could've gone worse" I told myself quietly.

I got up from my wooden chair and walked to the window that goes to my roof.  
"Finally -"

I opened the window and climbed onto my gray tiled roof. I sat and looked at the gray clouds forming in the blueish gray sky.

"Peace..."

I looked directly above me just as the small rain drops started falling from the crying clouds.

It was dangerous to be up here, but I honestly don't care anymore.

I stared at the sinking sun in silence.

I blinked tears out of my eyes as I remembered me and Iwaizumi doing this together when we were second years.

Believe it or not but me, Iwazumi,Makki,and Mattsun used to be happy together.

I wish I could go back a savor those amazing times.

I didn't bother telling the others what I had just done. I don't want to bother them.

The sky eventually filled with darkness, and you could faintly make out the beautiful shine of the stars.

Me and Iwaizumi used to star gaze in random fields in middle school.

The sky became a blur as tear started pouring out of my eyes like a rainy school day.

I looked down at the empty sidewalk, lighted by the orange-y glow of the street lamps.

If this was my last view of the world I would die happily.

I feel like an empty water bottle that has finally been thrown away after being chewed on by the family dog.

Peacefully emptiness.

I scooted to the lowest part or the roof and jumped onto the wet grass.

I walked to the sidewalk and started walking around the neighborhood in peaceful silence.

I sat on the sidewalk and looked at the moon.

My phone rang quietly, and I looked at the caller ID then sat it on the sidewalk next to me.  
"I shouldn't answer" I said to myself.

"But..."

I picked up the phone and stared at the dim screen.

I slowly dragged my finger to the screen and answered it.

I can't handle change.


	2. 2 (Alternative ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠⚠⚠  
> !!!!!!!!!!!!  
> TW  
> SELF HARM  
> BLOOD  
> DEATH  
> SUICIDE  
> !!!!!!!!!!!!  
> ⚠⚠⚠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To skip to the different/alternative ending go to where it says
> 
> "❗❗❗Alt ending ❗❗❗"
> 
> This is what my friend wanted ┐( -"-)┌

"Again...?" I said in a quiet tone.

"I'm sorry" He said back.

"You're SORRY?" My tone went up like a rollercoaster as I asked him.

"Don't fucking raise your voice at me" He bitterly spat back.

I banged my hands on my desk in my dark moonlit room.  
"THIS IS THE 3RD FUCKING TIME" I yelled into the phone.

He let out a frustrated scoff.  
"I SAID I WAS SORRY OK?"

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it" I said as I hung up.

I could feel the tears beginning to roll down my face as the reality of the situation hit me like a train.

My boyfriend doesn't actually love me, does he?

How did this happen?

______________  
volleyball gc😎🏐

Makki😎  
Flattykawa get online🤢

MattSUN💪🌚  
what'd you need him for?😬

Mad-dog🕴🐶  
What did flat ass do now?

Simp🤢🕴  
Flat ass-✋😭😭

Noya😍  
🏃😭😭

Flatty🥞  
That joke is so fucking overused  
Get a better fucking joke

Makki😎  
Damn why so hostile?😷

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
Don't be mean Stupidkawa

Flattykawa🥞  
I'm just saying it's fucking overused and repetitive🙄

Mad-dog🕴🐶  
Would you prefer being called long back?😐

YA!haba😻  
C'mon guys be respectful :-(

Watari🌊  
Yeah! Respect Oikawa!!

Milk😨  
NOT THE LONG BACK😭😭😭😭

Simp🕴🤢  
PELAHDHDH😭😭😭

Noya😍  
I NEED AIR PLEASE✋😭😭😭

Flattykawa  
Y'know what?

"Flattykawa🥞" changed his name to "Oikawa"

MattSUN💪🌚  
lol what long back?🥞

Oikawa is typing...

______________

You'd think they learned their lesson after what happened with Atsumu but clearly they didn't.

______________

Oikawa  
Long back? Flattykawa?  
HOW FUCKING REPETITIVE  
Fucking everyone looks flat, but I'm the only one getting targeted??? What kind of bullshit are you on?  
Even if I was the only flat one why would that reason to body shame and bully me?  
I work so fucking hard every single fucking day.  
I can't say or do anything because it's all blocked out by "Flattykawa" or some other bullshit "joke" you came up with.  
You never ask how I FEEL about it.

You act like I'm dead weight pulling you down and holding you back.  
Why do only TWO of my teammates actually respect me??  
Did I just not work hard for you guys????

Iwaizumi why did you just go along with it???  
Aren't you my boyfriend AND childhood best fucking friend?????  
You've known me my whole life.  
When the seasons changed you used to be right next to me, but now you're far off leaving me sad and cold.  
Iwaizumi you were supposed to be through every season.  
Now we're both definitely spending the seasons alone because we're fucking over.

That's just my team though.  
All of you other teams should know better than to be disrespectful to other teams.  
It's should be fucking common sense to not fucking harass people who did you no wrong.  
Imagine if your coach saw what you sent me on the fucking DAILY.  
They would be ashamed and disappointed in you.  
Volleyball is supposed to be my outlet, but it's just caused me more stress and problems.  
I can't handle all these changes to stuff I once loved.

What do you get out of poking at my insecurities?  
Does it make you feel better?  
Is it how you get your sick and disgusting entertainment????  
How does me being different effect you?  
It's always  
"All bodies are beautiful #bodypositivity" until it's someone skinny or doesn't fit your idea of "who should be insecure about themselves"  
What if I made fun of your nose,ears,or even your fucking height every day?  
What if I made you think being short was a disease,a horrible thing to be?  
You'd probably become insecure about something YOU CAN'T CONTROL.  
I can't control the fact that I'm flat.  
Why don't you try building me up instead of rubbing one of my biggest insecurities in my face?

Are you really my friends?  
You constantly mistreat me.  
Why should I stay somewhere that clearly doesn't want me or treat me right?  
What if I just left?  
Would you be happy?

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
You're not going to do what I think you're going to do right?

Makki😎  
Oikawa wait please

MattSUN💪🌚  
what do you mean?

Oikawa  
I'm disappointed,disgusted,and ashamed of all of you.  
Don't try running back to me because I won't answer.  
I'm done with this whole team.  
I wish Watari and Yahaba the best of luck in life.  
I'm sorry I probably won't be able to see it.  
Yahaba and Watari please don't blame yourselves because you helped me through their bullshit, and I'm forever grateful and thankful.  
For the rest of you as much as I don't want to say this I hope you're happy and successful.  
I won't be on this team any fucking longer because I fucking quit.  
Good fucking bye.

Makki😎  
Oikawa please wait

"Iwa-chan"🤢  
Oikawa please wait  
please

"Oikawa" left the chat

______________

❗❗❗Alt ending ❗❗❗

I sat my phone down and looked at the ceiling above me.

I wiped the small tear off my face and looked out the window in front of my small brown desk.  
"That could've gone worse" I told myself quietly.

I got up from my wooden chair and walked to the window that goes to my roof.  
"Finally -"

I opened the window and climbed onto my gray tiled roof. I sat and looked at the gray clouds forming in the blueish gray sky.

"Peace..."

I looked directly above me just as the small rain drops started falling from the crying clouds.

It was dangerous to be up here, but I honestly don't care anymore.

I stared at the sinking sun in silence.

I blinked tears out of my eyes as I remembered me and Iwaizumi doing this together when we were second years.

Believe it or not but me, Iwazumi,Makki,and Mattsun used to be happy together.

I wish I could go back a savor those amazing times.

I didn't bother telling the others what I had just done. I don't want to bother them.

The sky eventually filled with darkness, and you could faintly make out the beautiful shine of the stars.

Me and Iwaizumi used to star gaze in random fields in middle school.

The sky became a blur as tear started pouring out of my eyes like a rainy school day.

I looked down at the empty sidewalk, lighted by the orange-y glow of the street lamps.

If this was my last view of the world I would die happily.

Maybe I could make it my last view-

I feel like an empty water bottle that has finally been thrown away after being chewed on by the family dog.

Peacefully emptiness.

I pulled out my phone and put earbuds on.  
I shuffled my Spotify playlist and I can't handle change started playing softly in my ears.

Ironic.

"Nothing I do is ever good enough"

It's sad, but it's what everyone thinks of me.

I brought my wrist up to forehead

"I'm just"  
hit.  
"a sad"  
hit.  
"loser"  
hit.  
"that couldn't"  
hit.  
"beat"  
hit.  
"Ushijima."  
hit.

That's the harsh truth.

I climbed to the highest part of my roof and turned towards my backyard.  
"Maybe it would be all better if I just" I dangled my feet off the edge.

It would be better, right?

I took off my shoes and sweater.  
I scooted back and stood up.

I looked around before turn away from my backyard.

I looked up at the sky and slowly let my tears roll down my pink and cold cheeks.  
"Maybe this is all a dream and when I fall Iwa will catch me- like a trust fall"

I stepped back towards the edge and looked towards the house in front of me.  
"I still love you my stupid little Iwa-chan"

I wiped my tears and adjusted my earbuds.  
"Even though you don't"

I stepped back on the beat drop of the song and listened to the song until I hit the concrete patio in my backyard.

I woke up a couple of seconds later and felt a sharp pain everywhere.

I can still faintly hear the music still playing.

Blood is everywhere and I can barely see anything.

I feel like I should be panicking, but I feel strange and calm.

Everything started fading.

I closed my eyes and managed to smile.

The smell of wet grass and metallic blood faded away.

I couldn't feel the hard and wet concrete anymore.

I couldn't taste the blood in my mouth anymore.

I opened my eyes one more time and admired the beautiful, dark,and dim sky one last time.

I heard the back door open and a familiar voice faintly filled my ears.  
"Oikawa? Are you out here? I'm sorry-OIKAWA" the familiar voice said before they noticed me.

I heard them run up to me, and then I felt strong muscular arms move me into their lap.

"Iwa?" I weakly said.

He looked at me with sad and guilty eyes.

"It's not your fault. I've felt like this for a while, so it's mine" I mumbled with the energy I could somehow find inside me.

"I'm so sorry 'Kawa" Iwa sobbed into my shoulder.

"I love you my stupid Iwa-chan" The last of my energy had just been completely used as I finally started fading away.

I looked into his eyes one last time before everything faded completely.

"I love you so much Oikawa" Was the last thing I managed to hear before I got my eternal rest.

I guess

I really can't-

I can't handle change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is not how I actually see the haikyuu characters! These are the fanon characters I've seen and are not how they act in the show!*
> 
> it hurts seeing my favourite characters being turned into nothing but something this fandom can abuse.
> 
> I want that to stop.
> 
> If you have any recommendations  
> please comment them.
> 
> This (alt) ending won't be part of the main story and is just a 2nd ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative ending is in the next chapter  
> \------->
> 
> Open ending(kinda)☆
> 
> *This is not how I actually see the haikyuu characters! These are the fanon characters I've seen and are not how they act in the show!*
> 
>   
> I might make a continuation of this but idk ┐( -"-)┌  
> 
> 
> it hurts seeing my favourite characters being turned into nothing but something this fandom can abuse.
> 
> I want that to stop.
> 
> If you have any recommendations  
> please comment them.


End file.
